Pictures and editing by Rupsha B
Words by Rupsha B
Edited by Namz
Edited by Namz
I have written letters to myself from the past or the future, to seasons, to a certain someone and never posted them. These letters were never intended for anyone to read. I decided to start something similar on the blog but in a much more vague way, partly inspired by Emily Diana Ruth's "Letters to July" series. Snippets and fragments of muddled up thoughts. Not particularly interesting and not with a definite climax like few of my other posts. However, the letters aforementioned are written in a much detailed, personal way.
I have always been prudent about letting these thoughts leave the cage of my own head. Guarding things that make more sense to you than to the world. Something you're possessive about; I'm possessive of my own thoughts. Over two years I tried to make sure not to let these snippets and episodes spill so much on to my blog posts like I did in the those letters. I don't write diaries. I'm never consistent enough to write about my daily life or pin point exactly how I am feeling. My feelings have never been that black and white, something that has always been hard to comprehend. I have spent so much time lately trying to live in the future, in the day dreams and aspects of what could happen when I know I should be living now. I should feel all the pain and happiness of now. To understand the present and to create something from that. But the promise of something better or something worse gets me more excited. Last year around this time I just finished working on the first editorial layout for 'Stylish Sophisticate', I was going through first few months of internship, staying up all night star gazing and talking about song writing and creating friendships with people who are now a part of my life. Around 2:00AM today I was texting Namzzz about being homesick for something, not a place or a person but something abstract. I realize that I was homesick for the future, for the idea of something great or something awful waiting just around the corner. I try to understand each emotion more deeply than necessary, not prominent emotions like happiness or sadness. I hope that's what life is like too, life isn't sad or happy in particular, it's a series of events and more complex feelings. Not entirely black and white but different hues and shades in between. For someone who takes pleasure and understands the fleeting of life and relationships, for someone who doesn't understand the idea of permanence when life itself is transient, I somehow yearn for life, for living, for feeling and for chasing after fantasies.