07 April 2015

Dear April || An introduction to thoughts

Lovesicklilac
Rupsha B

Pictures and editing by Rupsha B
Words by Rupsha B
Edited by Namz

I have written letters to myself from the past or the future, to seasons, to a certain someone and never posted them. These letters were never intended for anyone to read. I decided to start something similar on the blog but in a much more vague way, partly inspired by Emily Diana Ruth's "Letters to July" series. Snippets and fragments of muddled up thoughts. Not particularly interesting and not with a definite climax like few of my other posts. However, the letters aforementioned are written in a much detailed, personal way. 
I have always been prudent about letting these thoughts leave the cage of my own head. Guarding things that make more sense to you than to the world. Something you're possessive about;  I'm possessive of my own thoughts. Over two years I tried to make sure not to let these snippets and episodes spill so much on to my blog posts like I did in the those letters. I don't write diaries. I'm never consistent enough to write about my daily life or pin point exactly how I am feeling. My feelings have never been that black and white, something that has always been hard to comprehend. I have spent so much time lately trying to live in the future, in the day dreams and aspects of what could happen when I know I should be living now. I should feel all the pain and happiness of now. To understand the present and to create something from that. But the promise of something better or something worse gets me more excited. Last year around this time I just finished working on the first editorial layout for 'Stylish Sophisticate', I was going through first few months of internship, staying up all night star gazing and talking about song writing and creating friendships with people who are now a part of my life. Around 2:00AM today I was texting Namzzz about being homesick for something, not a place or a person but something abstract. I realize that I was homesick for the future, for the idea of something great or something awful waiting just around the corner. I try to understand each emotion more deeply than necessary, not prominent emotions like happiness or sadness. I hope that's what life is like too, life isn't sad or happy in particular, it's a series of events and more complex feelings. Not entirely black and white but different hues and shades in between. For someone who takes pleasure and understands the fleeting of life and relationships, for someone who doesn't understand the idea of permanence when life itself is transient, I somehow yearn for life, for living, for feeling and for chasing after fantasies. 

14 March 2015

Fading in, fading out || Finding Inspiration

Lovesicklilac, Rupsha B, finding inspiration Lovesicklilac

Photos by Pixie.
Words by Rupsha B
Edited by Namz
Jacket by XY.


"Spider threads caught at the tips of her fingers again, a sign that no pen or brush touched it for a long time and yet she covets to be inspired again".-From page 15 of my art journal. These episodes strike more often than necessary and even though you may think you have a way around it, you really don't. I won't call it the 'writer's block'. It's much more kindred to what you may call a 'creative rut'. I have sat down with sketchbooks, journals and notepads, only to stare at the blank pages with nothing but an empty mind. I have been to cafes, I've sat down on the seaside, tried to sleep it off in the comfort of my own crumpled bed-sheets. I've went so far as to push myself to create something, anything. I could always talk about unrequited love or degenerated love or love that burnt and wrecked.  I could write about unwell minds and unfair emotions. Those words have been written and repeated and this time I couldn't do it. It doesn't seem fair to give them all the place on my blog or on my art. Sometimes, during these 'episodes', I feel like someone has taken away that little part of my brain and heart which would otherwise never shut up, not even when it's three in the morning and my eyes burn and I just want to sleep. Like you have lost something so precious that you drive yourself mad by searching for it, only to return with an empty heart and a frustrated mind.

"What the fuck are you doing?", "I'm drawing"
"Are you sketching your subject you little shit?", "yes....I don't have a subject Harris"
"Why the heck not? George you're gonna have to start digging around in there, so you can develop that talent of yours, so you can start to use that brain of yours. to express that beautiful heart of yours. So figure out what you want to say and say it", "Harris, I don't have anything to say"
"Find something(!)" -The Art Of Getting By

On Wednesday, me and mum sat on the roof for afternoon tea. I said to her, "I just can't seem to fill it. I don't have any inspiration or subject to create anything. I haven''t drawn in three weeks, I haven't written since the last week of February. I feel like I'm going mad. I have done everything they suggested in those videos. I went to museums, art galleries, read books, watched movies, tried spending hours on 8tracks. I took road trips but I can't seem to get it back. The voice that's always inside my head. I couldn't sleep, mum. I can't bloody sleep!" 
I remember her replying, "You know people, who write for a living or makes movies or designs or people like you, people who are into creative direction and fashion. Even the best of them sometimes produce the most prosaic work. It's not possible for the mind to stay inspired every minute of the day, every day of the year. Maybe you can't really fight it but you can choose to create something. Maybe it won't be as good as your other works. Maybe it won't be good at all but you'll stay in touch with yourself. You'll find the broken pieces, you'll learn to weave it thread by thread, you'll pull yourself out of the rut and you'll breathe in the fresh air again." 
Maybe I found my way out.

21 February 2015

Pretty Stones | Lovesicklilac x Anjolee

rings-anjolee
Links for Ring 1 and Ring 2
Edit by Rupsha B
Words by Rupsha B

The only jewelry I am seen to be ever wearing is the gold band on my ring finger that I received as my 21st birthday present. Every now and then when I'm feeling fancy or when my mother wants to remind me that I do in fact love jewelry, we would take out this heart shaped porcelain box with vintage floral designs and gold paint splattered all over it and take a good and adoring look at my heart-shaped diamond rings(slow down tiger, too much hearts there for a person who scoffs at roses and other valentine's day cliches). Everyone has a side of them careful tucked away and hidden from the public eye. For me it's the One Direction fangirl in myself(well, that's not a secret anymore, I kind of wear it as my favourite scarf) and collecting diamond rings. I really like to indulge sometimes. Isn't there just something so precious about jewelries? The memories they have, the stories they convey.

I discovered Anjolee last month and after spending a good amount of time(let's just say an hour or two), I absolutely loved the designs. Who doesn't like to spend their time looking at beautiful designs; the piercing white shine of diamonds or snivel because everything is just so pretty? Anjolee, based in San Diego County, California founded in 1977 is the original manufacturer or all the jewelry design on their website such as the engagement rings in the picture above. It definitely was difficult to pick just two design since everything was pretty over there. Glad that Kelly helped me choose. All the pieces can be customized on Anjolee.com according to preference of metal type, diamond size, diamond/gemstone quality, and length/size. They also offer a great selection of gemstone jewelry with choice of several birthstones.  Take a look guys and let me know what you think?