Almost a month ago, Dresslink was kind enough to send me two items of clothing, a beautiful dark chiffon floral kimono and the other one, a little black dress. Carrying on the boho-chic, music festival trend(that I've been talking about non-stop in the past few posts), this dress has been a great addition to my wardrobe. Absolutely love the crochet details on the sleeves and the hem. I had to pair it with a statement necklace for that extra added boho-chic look. Let me know what you guys think of the dress.
I'm sitting by the window of my new apartment. I have lit a candle, which smells of flowers, rain and wood and tried making it feel a little more like 'home'. Last 10 years of my life has been about moving from cities to cities and searching for a place I could call 'home'. I've experienced the different climates, slept on different beds. None warm enough for me to settle down and....stay. I've moved here two weeks ago, it's a great place and I'm so much fond of this neighborhood. The streets are lined with mansions and extravagant white houses with it's glass walls and palm trees. It's beautiful....but not enough to make me stay. I've made a few friends here and I have a feeling we'll be friends for quite a while. She's a really nice girl and we appreciate having each other in this city. My home town never felt like a place I belonged to. I always felt like an outsider. I knew I wasn't excited to be there so I did the next best thing I could. I packed my bags and moved to this city, on the other side of the country. Last time I was here, I felt awake. I remember lying on my hotel balcony floor and telling myself, 'This is so much better. I feel something. I feel alive'. Now that I'm back in the same city, this time however everything feels misplaced, like I'm trying to close a jar with the wrong lid. I feel like I'm dreaming my way through it and not the ones that would incite affection. I want to leave again.
They told me to give it a few more weeks, told me to 'chill'. I wouldn't blame them for not knowing me well enough to understand, I've never been the one to be unsure of how/what I feel and the reality we sojourn. I've always been sure of what makes me happy and what doesn't. What feels wrong and will feel wrong forever. Life is too precious to be stuck with something that doesn't make you feel whole, feel complete. This isn't about being homesick, when I haven't understood the term 'home' at all. This isn't about new places and adjustment issues. This is about understanding that the things I'm searching for isn't here. My life isn't here. It's about taking 50 wrong turns before you discover the right one and never losing hope in the process.
----- Rupsha B